From the moment Marc and I first started talking to one another romantically (he was in another relationship when I first met him), I knew instinctively that this one was for keeps. My previous long term relationship began when I was just 15 years old and after almost 5 years with that person, things had become incredibly toxic. He was controlling and possessive & though I tried to fight it at the time, I really wasn’t happy.
My relationship with Marc has never had that toxic element - it’s always just been very mutual, trusting and happy. Needless to say, there have been a couple of rows here and there, but ultimately, we have always had a genuinely lovely relationship. And so when Marc proposed to me on 13th December 2016, of course the answer was a huge, big, fat YES!
It’s hard to believe that Marc officially ‘put a ring on it’ almost three years ago, and it’s even harder to believe that we’ve already been married for three months. It’s true - time really does fly when you’re having fun. And I feel like fun is exactly how I would describe everything right now.
So, how has marriage changed my relationship? And how can you expect marriage to change your relationship?
I suppose the answer to that question is different for everybody, but for us, I don’t feel as though anything has particularly changed. We still really get on with one another and spend tons of quality time together. We still cook together and enjoy regular date nights - all the stuff we did before we got married, only now, we’re doing this stuff as Mr & Mrs.
Before any couple gets married, I think there’s this secret assumption that everything is going to change overnight & become ‘more serious’, but ultimately, by the time you’re marrying your other half, things are pretty much as serious as they can possibly be - or they should be, at least. So, if you’re currently counting down to your big day or you recently got engaged and you’re curious as to how things will change once you tie the knot, then the honest answer to this is: not a lot, really.
The only thing that I would say ‘feels’ different about our relationship now is that we are even more of a unit than we were before. Marc and I have always been incredibly supportive of one another, but now, that feeling of wanting to protect and help one another is even more apparent.
I guess this comes from the fact that marriage solidifies relationships in some way, and makes everything more ‘official’ so to speak. When you take those vows, the two of you are instantly bound together, and for us, that sense of unity was instant.
Not everybody’s experience of marriage is the same, though, and whilst ours has been incredibly positive, others struggle with the ‘pressure’ of the whole thing, and planning the big day alone can really begin to take its toll on the relationship. My advice to anybody in this situation would be to take a step back and actually remember why you’re getting married - sure, the wedding day itself is important, but marriage goes way, way beyond that one singular day.
So, before you land yourself in tens of thousands of pounds of debt and arguing with your other half on the regular, remember why you’re actually tying the knot, and forget about the fancy venue and the dress for a moment. You’re getting married to this person because you love them and you want to spend the rest of your life with them - not because you want a huge, all singing and all dancing party.
If your relationship is strong, you should be able to have an amazing wedding day, and continue to enjoy a fulfilling relationship thereafter. If after getting married, you aren’t feeling as happy as you once were, then this could be either one of two things 1. You’re suffering from a major case of wedding blues, or 2. You have rushed into marriage and your relationship isn’t quite as strong as you thought it was.
The chances are that you are probably just feeling a little lost now all of the planning, preparation and of course, the big day itself has come to an end -but in any case, if you’re feeling unhappy, you must talk to your partner! Your partner might not like everything that you’re saying but if you’re going to be for life, then you’re both going to have to get used to having more serious chats.
If you feel as though certain ‘pressures’ associated with marriage and your relationship has actually deteriorated since tying the knot, then hopefully the following tips will help you & your partner get things back on track...
3 Top Tips For A Happy Marriage
1. Have Regular Date Nights
Work and other commitments can sometimes make one-on-one time with your spouse pretty scarce - but if you’re committed to making your marriage a happy one, it’s essential that you find the time to enjoy date nights.
2. Split The Workload
A lot of arguments between couples are caused because of household chores and the fact that one half of the couple is taking on more than the other. It can be really tricky to split the workload so that it’s completely even, but agreeing to both chip in as and where you can is something that will really help you in the long run - especially when kids come into the equation!
3. Take Time For Yourself
Spending lots of great quality time together is so important, but it’s just as essential that you take time to focus purely on yourself, too.
If you and your partner are under one another’s feet a little bit too much, then they may start to annoy you - despite the fact you adore them.
When Marc goes out with his friends or he’s playing golf, I now consciously make sure I use that time to pamper myself and do the things that I don’t always get to do when we are spending time together. Simple pleasures like putting on a face mask, doing my gel nails and watching my favourite TV programmes are all things I like to do when Marc isn’t at home.
For more top tips and guidance on how to have a healthy & happy marriage, check out this article from Mind Body Green '13 Tips To Make A Good Relationship Great.' Alternatively, if you'd like to know what books you can read on this topic, check out the Huff Post's article '10 Books For A Healthy Relationship Every Couple Should Read.'
I really hope you all enjoyed this blog post and would like to add that if you are worried about your marriage or you aren't entirely happy with how your relationship has changed since you got married, then you really must speak to your husband or wife. Communication is so crucial to the success and happiness of a relationship, and so you need to make any thoughts or feelings heard - otherwise, things will only get worse.
Until next time, lovelies!
Lots of love,
Grace x
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