I don’t know about you, but for me, 2019 has been a whirlwind. Packed to the brim with extreme highs and extreme lows, I have to admit, it’s left me drained. I’ve smiled until my cheeks have hurt and laughed until I’ve cried, but I’ve also experienced two of the lowest moments in my life, too.
As most of you will already know, Marc and I got married on 31st May this year, and it was everything we could have ever dreamed of and more. This, and our amazing West Coast of America honeymoon which followed, have blessed me with the warmest memories that I’ll cherish forever.
However, the months that have followed this wonderful time have been a lot less rosy. In fact, I’m physically unable to pinpoint a time that I’ve ever felt so sad and low. Things have been tough.
Those of you that have read my last blog post or who follow me on Instagram will know that in September, I miscarried mine & Marc’s baby. We were approximately 8.5 weeks into our pregnancy, and having felt so excited to be having a baby, this was a devastating emotional blow for us that took a long time for us to truly get our heads around & move on from.
Little did we know that little over a month after this harrowing experience, we would be hit by another huge loss - this time in the form of our beautiful dog, Max.
My family and I got Max 13 years ago, when I was just 14 and he was just 10 weeks old, and losing him has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I like to think that most people reading this post will appreciate the complete heartbreak that comes with losing a dog (or any pet, for that matter) - after all, they are so much more than just ‘pets.’ Max was a part of our family every day for 13 years - and a huge part of our family at that. His waggy tail, his scruffy black/grey hair and his big, beautiful brown eyes have have been the centre of our world for such a long time, and to have to continue going on without him has been emotionally and physically crippling for us all.
So, as you can imagine, the latter half of 2019 has been a real struggle for me.
Some days, I accept that I’m going to feel sad & out of sorts for a while - after all, I know that all of this won’t go away overnight. However, with that said, I’m keen to try and pick myself up a little, too. It would be so easy for me to detach myself from everyone and everything - I’ve been doing this for the last three weeks as it is - but now, it’s time for me to try to embrace a bit of positivity. So, for this blog post, I thought I’d share my top tips for feeling positive when life’s low-points become all too much.
- Talk To Someone
Talking has proven really beneficial to me during this tough time, but I’ve been selective about who I open my heart up to - and I think that’s really important. Not everyone is the same in this respect, and I know some people take comfort in speaking to someone completely impartial. For me though, speaking to my parents & Marc, who have been through all of this, too, has really helped. We are all struggling at the moment, and when any of us has experienced a wobble, another of us has been able to help.
I’ve been speaking a lot to one of my good friends who also has experience in both of these areas, which has been really, really helpful. When I talk to her about how I feel and what’s going on in my mind, she completely gets it, because she’s been there - and that’s been very comforting to me.
So, if you find it hard to talk, don’t worry about it - really, you just need one or two people that you can truly confide in who will just listen to you, or who can offer some constructive advice/words of wisdom. You may even come across someone on a forum or blog that you feel you want to reach out to for advice, which is perfectly OK.
- Arrange A Coffee Date
Going out for a good coffee always makes me feel better, even if just temporarily. So, if like me, you love coffee (or tea, or hot chocolate...anything really!) be sure to pen a date in your diary with someone you’re close to, and stick to it. Going for a coffee presents the idea opportunity to get a few things off your chest, in an environment that isn’t your own. I know all too well how hard it is to leave the house and find the motivation to do anything when feeling sad & low, but getting out and about really does help. It’s an instant distraction.
- Go Out For Food
Another great distraction is going out for food. If you're anything like me, your appetite may change when you’re stressed, anxious or upset, meaning you aren’t eating as much as you usually would - but sometimes, if someone cooks for you, it does make it a bit easier to stomach food. You don’t have to go out anywhere fancy that requires heels and a ballgown - it just needs to be somewhere that you like and that you feel comfortable. Personally, I find that Italian restaurants are always a great option as they’re friendly, and the atmosphere is always really positive.
- Look At Photographs That Make You Smile
One of the things that has been helping me get through this low point is looking back at all the amazing pictures and videos I have of Max - and trust me, there are thousands! One of the good things about the fact that we now record everything and take photos of everything is that we always capture those special moments. Photos help keep all those fond memories and happy times alive forever. So, if you’re feeling blue & you’re wondering what to do to make yourself happy, then whip out the old photo albums, or simply have a flick through your phone - it really does help.
- Treat Yourself To Something
There is truth in the saying ‘retail therapy’, you know. Shopping obviously isn’t the answer to all our problems, but treating yourself to something nice when you’re feeling down in the dumps can really lift your mood. I find that purchases such as new pyjamas, skincare products and cute decorative accessories always make me feel that tiny bit better - you just can’t beat a night spent cuddled up on the sofa with a scented candle burning away, some cute new pyjamas and a face mask.
- Pamper Yourself
And that leads me onto my next top tip - pampering yourself! Feeling depressed & out of sorts can make even the simplest of tasks seem really difficult, and so it’s easy to get caught in a downward spiral. But by taking care of your appearance and indulging in a little self-love, you really will start to feel better about things. It might not be instant, but it’s so important to look after yourself, especially when times are tough.
- Get Away For The Weekend
Minibreaks and weekends away are like therapy for me - I always come away with a fresh mindset, and taking the time to just chill out and forget about things really helps revive my soul. Marc, my parents & I are particularly fond of indulging in regular spa weekends at our favourite spot in Knutsford, The Mere Golf Resort & Spa.
- Focus On Your Health & Well-being
From ensuring that you’re getting your 5-a-day and drinking 3 litres of water per day, to getting 10,000 steps in and limiting your intake of sugar, focusing on your health & well being is such an effective way to improve both your mental and physical state.
When I feel low, which needless to say, has been a lot of the time, recently, I sometimes find it difficult to motivate myself to cook all the healthy meals I’d normally prepare, or to take care of myself in the same way - but I always push myself to do it anyway. Eating plenty of greens and chugging H20 has helped me feel strong and healthy on even my lowest of days - but of course, the odd piece of chocolate has given me a boost, too!
- Practice Mindfulness
I’m not an expert when it comes to mindfulness, but I am getting better at it - and you know what? It really does help. If you’re a particularly anxious person, or you struggle to switch off those negative thoughts & ‘what if’s’, then mindfulness is something you should try to practice.
For me, one of the most effective mindfulness techniques is focusing on my ‘happy place.’ My happy place is Max meeting me from the train station after work screaming with excitement and going crazy as if he hadn’t seen me for months on end (it had been a day!) - that memory always makes me laugh and smile, so I know that it will take me away from my anxious thoughts.
It’s important that your happy place is somewhere/something you know/remember very well, and that gives you comfort & contentment - somewhere that you can go to when your mind runs off to those negative places. A lot of people believe that their happy place must be something exotic - a sandy white beach or a luxury ocean liner - but this isn’t the case at all. When Max met me from the train station, it was just an ordinary day - but it was his reaction to seeing me & the way that he greeted me that I’ll never forget. Everybody at the train station was going ‘Awwwww!’ and ‘that’s so cute!’ and all I could think was just how lucky I was that this beautiful little dog was mine, and that of all the people he could have been excited to see, I was that person. To me, that’s priceless.
- Spend Time With Your Furry Family Member
I’d give absolutely anything to be able to cuddle my beautiful little dog, Max - he always made me feel better about everything. If you’re lucky enough to have a pet - be it a dog, cat, hamster or any other animal - be sure to spend as much time as possible with them. What makes our furry family members so unique & special is the fact that they’re always there for us - they are fiercely loyal. Your pet will never answer back or tell you that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do, he or she will just listen to you and comfort you. Max’s love was the purest in the world, and a cuddle from him would always make me feel a thousand times better.
I hope you all enjoyed this blog post & I wish you nothing but health, wealth & happiness in 2020.
Lots of love,
Grace x
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